November 15, 2022
The photo used this week was on September 19, 2021. This was our last Sunday with him we decided to go down to the lake before church that morning.
Isaiah 40:8
The grass withers and the Flowers fall, but the word of our God endures forever
While I was getting ready to write this week I heard the Lord ask me “How am I feeling”? I responded, well there is snow on the ground which makes it official that winter is here, but I am feeling sad because this is going to be our second Christmas without Joshua. Last year I was very emotional and decided that for that year it was best that I just stay low-key. I went to his grave and cried until I felt the little strength that I had at the time leave my body, then went home and cried some more until I fell asleep.
Although I am not very fond of Christmas it’s a time that family comes together but last year I made some changes because I did not want to affect anyone else’s mood. But I was not always like this, when I was a child/teenager for me Christmas was about quality time but now it seems to have become this big cash grab and that is why in my head it is called the Overrated Season. But, if you dive deeper into the word of God and study the geographical setting around the time that Christ Jesus was born I can guarantee that you will agree with me when I say that Jesus was not born anytime around December 25th. But that is for a later discussion. Now while I am not one to decorate much, I do very much enjoy the Family gatherings that are associated with it. Family to me is very important. Without family, I did not know where I would be today. Just having them around was vital, especially when facing a tragedy as we did. As I type the Lord just laid on my heart to tell my viewers to remember those that don’t have a family. It sounds strange doesn’t it to think that some may not have any family; it’s more common than one may think. Many times, we forget that there are people who don’t have someone because we live in a world that says differently; but can I suggest or even encourage you that when shopping for a loved one this season big up something for someone else and stop off at your local home for the elderly or even school and drop it off. Ask the front receptionist if it is possible to speak to someone in authority and let them know that you were wondering if there is a person or family in need of anything even if it’s just to pop in and spend some quality time. Time was the word God wanted to be spoken and with this, I know the Lord is well pleased. Did you know that most seniors living in these facilities may not have children to visit them, while some may have lost or had to be separated from their significant other? We are called to “bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2) and be opened-handed to the poor and needy as it says in Deuteronomy 15:11”. Father may you open the hearts of your people causing us to overflow with compassion just as your dear son Jesus did when he was on earth. Help us to remember that everything we have came from you (James 1:17) and that when you bless us we are to be a blessing to others in the name of Jesus.
Now, I don’t want you to think that I am some sort of Grinch, I love the food, and quality time but most of all I love the memories that are created at Christmas time when capturing photos. There is an old quote that says, “A Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words” and I believe that if one really wants to one could attach more than that depending on how captivating the pictures might be. But as Christmas quickly approaches me and my family have the decision to make about what will Christmas look like in our home.
~When one’s presence is missed, nothing can replace that void between these four walls~
I can’t help but feel a little unsure at times, especially whenever I have to plan an event for the children. Joshua’s presence is missed by them. But we press on united as a family because God’s power is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). Some, have asked now that a little time has passed has it gotten easier? My answer is no, I will never get over the fact that I had to bury my son at 18 years old. “No parents should bury their child” is a statement often made and, sadly, it is being said way too often our men are dying at a staggering rate. I often lay in bed at though out the week asking God questions, sometimes asking the same ones but in a different way in hopes that his response may be different. I have so many questions about what happened that mild September evening.
Personal Prayer
Lord when will they get caught? Lord Jesus I am asking you to bring light to my son’s case. People know what was done and who did it I pray that you will visit them and speak to their hearts to do the right thing and ask themselves what if this was their sibling? What would they want people to do?
When I sit down and think about what has happened I hurt, for Joshua, his siblings, his friends, and then myself. I would have never imagined that when I dropped him off Monday, September 20th, 2021, to complete his final year of college four days later this was going to be the outcome. He was right there finishing his victory lap. All those early mornings and last nights that he put in since grade 10 were about to pay off, so much potential, so much life and it was taken away within seconds. Today my grief counselor asked me a series of questions that got me thinking but more importantly got me to take in what it was that I was feeling.
I often hear the family members of victims say when the trial is over “Now we have closure. When I looked up the meaning of Closure there were so many different perspectives on what it is I will only provide two. One dictionary said, “an act or process of closing something” and then from a psychologist point of view it was said to think of closure as the desire for an answer that leaves no room for uncertainty. I do not know how I am going to feel when they do get caught and found guilty of killing Joshua, but I don’t see myself getting closure in a guilty verdict. Closure to me means that it is done, and my truth is that it will never be done because Joshua is not here. All I can do is pray that the Lord will continue to help me and provide strength when I am weak.
Psalm 42:11
Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation, and my God
Happy is often something that I wonder about and if I will ever truly ever be happy again. Psalm 61:1-3 NIV says,” Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer.2 From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.3 For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe”. The reason I am drawn to this verse is because of how it is written in the KJV it says Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer.2 From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.3 For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy.
We often talk as a family about how funny and happy Joshua was. You rarely saw him upset and if it did he never showed it. He was a joy seeker; life was a thrill for him. I remember when he was about four he had a cold, so I made him some tea which is like the go-to in Caribbean culture. Mint tea, Ginger, Vick Vapour rub, and rum can solve anything sickness many believe. But I made him a nice cup of tea and I remember giving it to him but before I could fully turn heard his small voice say “Yuck it’s poison” that night me and his siblings laughed until we couldn’t laugh anymore. He will forever be in our hearts and minds, and we thank God that we got to meet him.
Christmas will be here in 35 days; I am speaking to every person that is finding it hard to get into the rhythm of things around this time of the year. I know your pain and am praying for you, know that God is able. Be okay with knowing that you do not have to play along as if everything is okay just because it’s the season to be jolly. You are human and have the right to feel what you are feeling and process it in the way you are learning how. Rushing to heal will only cause more trauma. Look at a scar for instance when it first happens it is red and sore but as time passes it begins to form a protective layer that we call a scab. We know that once this starts to happen that something good is happening underneath it, please let this process play out it needs not to be tampered with but let God have his perfect work. No need to play strong with others, do not be afraid to ask for help or alone time if needed. It is okay to not be okay, and God knows exactly how you are feeling. He wants us to take our time but most importantly lean on him. There are many days that I get up and say Lord not today and he says rest in me. Whether you are grieving the loss of a child, parent, friend, or relationship please find rest in him. 1 Corinthians 14:33 says For God is not the author of [a]confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints. If it doesn’t feel right, then do not do it. In one of my past posts, the Lord said to me healing is possible and I 100% believe that, but remember everything takes time. In the book, Battlefield of the Minds written by Joyce Meyer if you look at chapter four, titled “Little by Little” quotes Deuteronomy 7:22 “The Lord your God will drive out those nations before you, little by little. You will not be allowed to eliminate them all at once, or the wild animals will multiply around you”. Now it is not to say that God can’t take away what you are enduring in a split second he can do it but when God does something it is in a way that we will know without a shadow of a doubt that it was him. And I say all that to say that although I may not have liked the way life has played out I trust his process and pray that you will too.
Lately, there have not been any songs of the week but feel like I need to this week’s I pray that they infuse your soul just as they have for me.
1)It’s ok (Feat Chandler Moore & Maverick City Music)
2)Forever YHWH (Feat Tiffany Hudson)
3)Even When It Hurts (Hillsong United)
4)Prince of Peace (Taya & Hillsong United)
Closing Prayer
2 Corinthians 10: 3 says For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh. In 2 Corinthians 7:3 -7 the Apostle Paul writes 3 I do not say this to condemn you; I have said before that you have such a place in our hearts that we would live or die with you. 4 I have spoken to you with great frankness; I take great pride in you. I am greatly encouraged; in all our troubles my joy knows no bounds.5 For when we came into Macedonia, we had no rest, but we were harassed at every turn—conflicts on the outside, fears within. 6 But God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus, 7 and not only by his coming but also by the comfort you had given him. He told us about your longing for me, your deep sorrow, your ardent concern for me so that my joy was greater than ever.
We will continue to face trials and tribulations, but God is our great comforter. Peace Lord is all that I am asking for your children. Peace be still, Lord speak it to every storm that we are facing. You’re such a good Father God and I know that I would not be standing if it was not for your love and mercy. But this love is not just for me he loves you all the same way and I pray that you will open our hearts to keep on receiving you. My blogs are not just for believers but if any people have not yet received Jesus as their Lord and savior I pray in the name of Jesus and speak over your lives Acts 26:18 and that you will begin to speak to him as he reveals himself to you. Draw strength from his well of freedom and cast your cares upon him. Matthew 11:28-30 says, “for my yoke is easy and my burden is light”. Lord, it’s the season of giving I pray that those hurting mentally, physically, and emotionally will receive what they need from you and learn to leave every other situation that does not need immediate attention in your hands. Help us to remember that no situation is too big or small for you to heal us from I Seal this prayer in the matchless name of King Jesus.
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