November 22, 2022
Psalm 62:5-6
For God alone, my soul waits in silence, for my hope is from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken.
I remember the night of September 24th, 2021, after receiving the news that my son was the person the police had found lifeless early that Friday morning. One by one Close family and friends gathered at my place of residents and one by one they hugged me and then said goodbye. Leaving me and my children that night. Eventually, they fell asleep leaving me alone saying to myself I have no one to help me weather this storm.
Proverbs 18:10
The name of the LORD is a fortified tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.
To have a child and then lose them suddenly is a very traumatic event. The process of traveling this road of grief alone is a very challenging one. Not only was I learning to process the death of my son and what that meant for my life, but I also had the responsibility of holding it for 5 other individuals in a situation that I had no clue how to deal with. While sitting here writing I hear the word playing in my head “It’s not an easy road” which are the Lyrics from Buju Baton’s critically acclaimed song titled as such. This journey has been a wild ride; there have been so many ups and downs I can not even keep track even if I wanted to. Getting that call that Joshua was dead and murdered forever has changed my life. To this day I and my children still get messages from our community saying they still can’t believe that this is real. When one dies it is not just the immediate family that struggles with the loss but the community and Joshua was very well known because he was an exceptional athlete. sometimes depending on the weight that this person carries it can affect a nation.
In Deuteronomy 34:5-8
5 And Moses the servant of the Lord died there in Moab, as the Lord had said. 6 He buried him[a] in Moab, in the valley opposite Beth Peor, but to this day no one knows where his grave is. 7 Moses was a hundred and twenty years old when he died, yet his eyes were not weak, nor his strength gone. 8 The Israelites grieved for Moses in the plains of Moab thirty days, until the time of weeping and mourning was over.”
Prayer Point
Lord, many have and still are affected by the events that unfolded on that September day. May the peace of God surround them like a shield. Settle their spirit God, your word says in Psalm 31:24 Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord help us to wait on you Lord, and guide us on this path of healing because we know not or how to do it alone.
That day was one of the hardest days of my life. I remember having to go to pick up Joshua’s younger siblings from school, I could tell that they knew something was wrong especially the oldest one out of the three. He just kept watching me in the rear-view mirror, but I held back my tears because I did not know how to share the news with them. Do I cry and let them ask me what’s wrong? Or do tell them the truth that I do not what took place but what I do know is that Joshua has gone home to be with King Jesus? When we got home a few of Joshua’s friends had already gathered and with no Joshua in sight I am sure my kids knew something was wrong, but everyone kept quiet. I ask everyone that was there to hold their composure and move to the hallway so that I could tell them what had transpired. I will never forget their faces and the way they cried. My children have taught me how to be brave when the wind is at my door, they are the strongest kids I know. I often think about the siblings of murder victims because they are so directly impacted.
When someone is killed we hear people say that they are praying for the parents, but I could encourage my viewers to pray for the siblings with the same passion. Being a mother of 5 children I get to got to see firsthand how the death of their brother has changed them. It’s like their path has been changed and all due to people that do not know how to manage their emotions. One-minute sone could be playing and the next crying explaining to me that they miss him. Children handle death and cope with it in different ways, sometimes I can’t even find the words to express how I am feeling, and we expect a child to. Seeing the faces of my children when I had to break that news to them is something that I will never forget.
Message to the Siblings
To the siblings that are having to learn how to cope with what had taken place. I am so sorry that this is a page in your story and honestly do not know how you’re feeling because I have never experienced the loss of my sisters or brother that I love dearly. I am thinking about you often and am praying for you just like I pray for my children because I see how it has affected them. Pray, tell God how you feel and what he can do to help you but also listen when that small still voice speaks (I Kings 19:12) because he knows what it will take to help you move on in peace. I speak peace over your minds, emotions, and soul I pray that you know that God is and will continue to comfort you as you continue to walk this road called life, I love you very much #TheCarpentersMother.
Having to do this chapter physically alone has been hard but it has shown me the power of God and that prayer works. There are days when I get up and think about all that needs to be done and crawl right back into bed. But it is at those moments the Lord steps in and reminds me I am not alone and that he is an ever-present help in times of need (Psalms 46:1). I am very grateful for those that supported me that day. One of the ladies from my local church sprung into action as soon as she heard and arranged meals for me and the children twice a week. Having those meals took the pressure off more than they know because when tragedy strikes the last thing on your mind is eating or cooking. Lord, I thank you for planting me at that church and connecting me with women of faith. Because you washed your disciples’ feet they were able to learn from you and wash mine when it needed to be done (John 13:1-17). Whether it was food or prayers that went out for me and my family we are grateful as we were in the belly of the battle. Lord, I am asking that you pour out such a blessing on them all that they would not even have enough room to contain it in Jesus’ name.
Feeling alone is one thing but actually being alone can actually cause you to fall into depression easily. I had no energy to do anything, it was like I was in a slump. Even my prayer life was depleted. And this was not because I had stopped believing in God, but it was that I just physically had nothing to pour out. If you are or have ever felt like this know that God is there at the well with a cup for you to drink from. Isaiah 55:1 says “Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy, and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. You see God is a good father and he knows better than we know ourselves and doesn’t hold our weakness against us but instead, he supplies strength. Although it may seem like what is happening was sent to break you know that it can’t. Joshua 1:5 says No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.
I was carrying this battle that I was not meant to carry, locking myself away as if life was never going to get lighter. But the Lord’s instructions came to me as the weather got warmer. He started to talk to me about the benefits of exercise. At first, I was very reluctant, but I started going for walks, there were and still are days that I feel so weary but once on my walks he strengthens me.
Isaiah 40:29 He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak
When I started taking walks they began at 10-15 minutes but that gave me the endurance needed that I now go for walks sometimes over an hour. Another area the Lord talked to me about was gathering with people (Proverbs 27:17) says “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. And why this is important? because a change of environment can help shift your focus (Proverbs 17:22 A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones). We need people no matter what situation we are facing, if it were not so then God would not have created the family unit. And when I say family it doesn’t just mean the one physically born into your biological family, but a friend adopted in just like Christ adopted us (Ephesians 1:5 says “he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will). At times I am just so overwhelmed with my emotions that I need someone to talk to, grief is heavy and can not be managed alone.
I am sure we have all heard of a story that when someone has lost a loved they say he or she was never the same. And I don’t think one should be but what I will say is that I do not believe based on God’s word and what he has taught me over the last year that we are not to be consumed.
2 Corinthians 1: 3-4
“Blessed be God, even the father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort, who comforteth us in all our tribulations that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.
2 Corinthians 4:8-10 the Apostle Paul writes
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.
Death, trials, and tribulations are hard, but God will not let them destroy you. Throughout scripture, we see in the stories of people that have dealt with the wiles of the wicked one, but as we continue to read on we always see how God’s plan carried out redemption with healing. Hebrews 13:8 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever and this should give us hope to know that no matter what has and is going to happen that God has gone ahead and worked it out. Now I am not saying that things are perfect because they never were and never will be, but what I want you to know is that your life is hidden and secure in Christ Jesus. The effects of grief often come on without warning and when that happens the Lord has taught me that I need to step back access and take a moment or time for myself. Sometimes depending on how my week is going if Monday and Tuesday are stressful I already put a plan in motion that on Wednesday at 2 pm and this is just an example that I am going to do whatever is needed to relax my soul. If it comes in the form of a coffee break reading my Bible or praying while I walk in the park then that is just what I do. Mark 6:31 says “Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” Do you notice how the last part of that verse says come with me alone? Never feel guilty about taking time to recoup even the strong warriors need rest. I encourage you to set some time out this week and rest and invite God’s presence. My go-to might not work for you but I know God will lead you to what will and remember if you are not Good and on the road to healing you can not be good for anyone else.
Closing Prayer
God from the moment I got the news about Joshua’s death you gently cuddled me in your robe of righteousness. From the stories in the Bible, you have demonstrated that you are the great I AM. I didn’t know and still don’t know what to do but each day you open my eye and remind me that you have me in the palm of your hand. It’s hard Lord to be without him, so hard, l miss him so much Lord only you know how I feel inside. It’s hard Lord knowing that he is gone but I will continue to trust you even in times of uncertainty. Lord, please help the police catch who did this to my family. Lord shed light in the name of Jesus and not only for me Lord but for the other families. Take away the unbelief that they will not be caught because time has passed and remind us daily that your plan and word never fail. Jeremiah 1:12 says The Lord said to me, “You have seen correctly, for I am watching to see that my word is fulfilled.” Fulfill your word God move on our behalf. Psalm 30:5 weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning, Lord, help us to rejoice I seal this prayer with the power of the Holy Spirit in the matchless name of Jesus Christ.
To the men that did this to Joshua, I forgive you, but I want you to know that you will be caught. Getting caught is your portion, and this is not wishful thinking its the word of God #TheCarpentersMother
Song if the Week is called: Thank You, Jesus, for the Blood by Charity Gayle
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