Psalm 121 1-2
I lift my eyes to the mountains
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
Personal Reflection – Lord, I need you to help me
If You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it {John 14:14} was a verse that I prayed asking God to bring Joshua back while I was preparing to bury him. I knew that if anyone could do it that it was him. Because I believe in the Dunamis power that raised Jesus Christ from the dead. And although I was praising him, I still had the question of Lord why me? And with that if I am being honest, I was upset with God.
I read verses like “A thousand may fall at thy side and ten thousand at thy right side but it shall not come nigh thee” Psalm 91:7. But when it was all said and done, I felt like the enemy had kicked in my door waving the 4:4.
I was upset but did not realize it until I had to start having hard conversations on why my behavior had changed. There was and still is this void that I feel. I wondered many times why one must experience this and although I knew that God did not do this to Joshua my question was why did this happen?
But as a believer I understand that there is a difference between Gods will and mans free will.
Many nights I laid on my bed thinking to myself and asking God how could this be my life? Why does this have to be my reality? On one occasion night I asked God why is it that I would have to cry for the rest of my life, and he answered and said that everyone would. And I said but mine would be over the same thing, and this is where I have a tough time understanding.
Something started to happen, I felt myself drifting further and further away from his presence. I was not reading or praying the way I normally would. Although I knew that he was the only one that could tend to my wounds I would remove myself from the times he wanted to spend with me. It like I had put a wall up and turned to the world as if it could take away the pain I am feeling.
BUT IN IT ALL HE CONTINUED TO CALL MY NAME
To be honest when I look at the reason, I justified staying away it was SIN. I started entertaining people and things that I knew were wrong as a believer. It was like I was staying away because I knew what he would say when I went before him. But then I remember that GOD knew that this was going to happen and that there is no condemnation for those that are in Christ. The way society portrays Christ is as if he would be waiting there for me waving his finger at me in disappointment, but I knew that was far from the truth. He was waiting there with open arms ready to take the heaviness of grief away from me.
In my post two weeks ago, I talked about having a pain plan. My pain plan included the world and the lust of it, as if it had the answers to fill this void that I am now feeling. I was meeting and entertaining people that I had no business to and when the Lord would ask me why my only response was because I was hurting.
And that is when he brought me to this harsh but beautiful passage in the Bible and I now use it when speaking to people.
Job 4:3-5 says “Look, you have instructed many; you have strengthened feeble hands. [ Your words have supported those who stumbled, and you have strengthened the knees that gave way. But now the same thing comes to you, and you are discouraged; it strikes you and you are dismayed.
Terrible things happen all the time to people everyday all over the world, but we never really stop and consider how blessed we are until it hits our home. And what if it does hit are home, does this mean that GOD is not good? Absolutely not!!!!
On this road of grief God has been teaching me that we do not need to lose hope when sad things happen. Some would ask how do you keep an open mind? With the word of God and the verse that came to mind as I was writing this was Genesis 50:30 when Joseph replied to his brothers when they were under the impression that he would have done wrong to them because they wronged him.
Joseph said to them “As for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it on to me for Good.“
We can hold fast to the hope that no matter what has happened that God is always going to work it out. The sting of losing a loved one will forever hurt but we do not have to carry the heaviness of it. That is why JESUS are great savior went to the Cross for us.
Isaiah 53:5 reads but he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.
We may not see him, but God is always there waiting for us to come and lean on him. We do not have to believe the lie that its to much for him, we do not need to hide in our feelings and turn to other sources. We can depend on him in every moment no matter what we are feeling whether it be anger or sadness. The fathers’ arms are open wide, we can find strength knowing that there is peace with God for those that believe.
Day by day I began to return to the word, and I felt that invisible gap that was once between us close as I became reconciled to the love of my Father. And to be honest I was never far from him that was just a lie that the enemy wanted me to believe.
The bible clearly states in Romans 8:35-39
35 WHO SHALL SEPARATE US FROM THE LOVE OF CHRIST? SHALL TRIBULATION, OR DISTRESS, OR PERSECUTION, OR FAMINE, OR NAKEDNESS, OR PERIL, OR SWORD?
36 AS IT IS WRITTEN, FOR THY SAKE WE ARE KILLED ALL DAY LONG; WE ARE ACCOUNTED AS SHEEP FOR THE SLAUGHTER.
37 NAY, IN ALL THESE THINGS WE ARE MORE THAN CONQUERORS THROUGH HIM THAT LOVED US.
38 FOR I AM PERSUADED, THAT NEITHER DEATH, NOR LIFE, NOR ANGELS, NOR PRINCIPALITIES, NOR POWERS, NOR THINGS PRESENT, NOR THINGS TO COME,
39 NOR HEIGHT, NOR DEPTH, NOR ANY OTHER CREATURE, SHALL BE ABLE TO SEPARATE US FROM THE LOVE OF GOD, WHICH IS IN CHRIST JESUS OUR LORD.
And with being said, I want you to count it all Joy knowing that you have a redeemer that is working on your behalf. That loves you so much and will see you through whatever it is that you are struggling.
Until next time stay blessed and allow the Lord to comfort you in this time of weakness
#Joshuamom
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