I will never forget the day nor time that I got the call that Joshua had passed.
I was working from home like many and sitting at my kitchen table. The company I work for had just released a product so that day was so busy that I did not get to take my first break until 1:45pm, but at 1:40 pm a call came in which I did not answer but I saw the name and said to myself hmm why are they calling?
So, I returned the call, and it was his closest friend asking me what was going on? But then I heard him start to sniffle like he was crying so I hung up the phone. In my head I was saying why is he crying? And if he is crying that means that it was not good. So, I called Joshua and he did not answer not knowing that by this time he had passed long before.
I called back his friend and he began to tell me what had happened to Joshua.
While writing the song “He Loves Us” {Live version} by J.J Hairston & Youth Praise feat Melissa Bethea just came on if you have the chance please go listen and let God Illuminate you with his presence.
I remember feeling shocked, in disbelief like what who would kill Joshua? Who could have a problem with Joshua to the point that they would take his life? It did not make any sense to me because I know my kid. One thing about me is that I am a realest the truth is the truth, and I do not have a challenging time drinking it. So, for someone to do this to him I can say without hesitation that jealously had to be the motive. Many time parents turn a blind eye at their children’s behavior especially when they are of age not realizing that they too will be held accountable no matter how old the child is. Read 1 Samuel 22-34 when you get the chance and know that to not correct your children no matter the age is doing more harm than good.
But based on Joshua’s character and the type of relationship that we had he kept it real with me. I said to myself that who ever did this has no conscience because no matter what it was Joshua did not deserve this. But I had no choice but to believe that what his friend was saying had indeed happened.
I remembered while waiting for the Police to confirm that it was him my reality wanted me to lose control but there was this peace that kept RESTRAINING me.
The peace of God surpasses all understanding
And while that was happening, I started to hear this still small voice sing within me this song called Jireh by Maverick City Music. For those that do not know JIREH means The Lord will provide and is first seen in Genesis 22:14. So its September 24, 2021, I had called back the detective and asked him if they had confirmation yet? At that time, he had placed me on hold but again that still small voice began to sing – JIREH. It was now 5:45 pm when the detective came back on the line and just the way he said my name I knew it was Joshua, and again (JIREH) played in my heart. At that moment all that came to me was how am I going to tell my children that there loving brother was gone to be with JESUS.
I had so many thoughts between this waiting period. So many emotions and yet God was keeping me in peace. I remember at one point I called my daughter and I asked her are you praying maybe it is a mistake and she said to me all I keep hearing is the LORD SAY THAT HE IS ALIVE. When in Christ although no one wants to die before their time we must remember that death has no sting and while not here in body Joshua is alive with Christ in Heaven (JOHN 11:25-26).
So my son was dead, which was hard to believe seeing that I had talked to him 3 hours before he was murdered and dropped him off to complete his final year of college 3 day prior. I just could not understand why our journey in this life had to end.
Joshua was the male version of me. He loved life, sneakers, clothes, and Hip Hop, I admired his attitude towards life how he never let anything bother him or keep him down.
Later, that night around 7 pm more people had gathered at my home, I went upstairs in my room needing a moment. My cousin and her friend where with me and I remember going down on my knees I just could not believe that that My son, Joshua, my best friend was gone. I felt disgusted and scared for him even though he had already passed wondering what he must have been feeling in his last moments. You see we are a very tight knit family me and my children and it has always been like that because it had just always been me and them. Joshua was the man of house although I never gave him that titled. I know that he was thinking of his siblings and that is what is hard about him being gone the fact that his siblings do not get to grow with him.
So, on my knees I began to praise him, and that peace that arrested me at 1:45 began to grow. I remember my cousin looking at me like Girl wth are you doing? But I continued not realizing how calm I was being but now that I look back it was not me it was the Spirit if the Living GOD and it was keeping me from falling and growing faint and this type of peace can ONLY come from the peace of God.
Philippians 4:6 Reads
Do not be anxious about anything, instead though prayer and petition with thanksgiving, tell your request to God. And the PEACE of God that SURPASSES all understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.
Last week I wrote about how I was feeling and how it had caused my behavior to change. Which is normal especially with the trauma that I have endured. But what the Lord has shown me and wants us to know is that we need not to be shaken to the point of no return especially if it is to a bad place physically or mentally. He can give us a peace that overrides human knowledge and surpass our understanding. Gods’ peace is real, and so often we do not understand it. All hell can be breaking loose but you can have calmness in the storm when you decide to trust in him. People keep saying to me that I am so strong but if there is anything besides the scriptures that you take away from this week’s post is that THE EMOTIONS THAT I AM FEELING ARE BIG BUT THE GOD THAT I SERVE IS BIGGER.
It is only because of him why I wake up, have breath in my body, cook, shower, and even have strength is my fingers to continue to write these post. I am NOTHING without him and He is the one that is keeping me.
Lamentations 3:22 says in the King James version
It is because if the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed for his compassion fail not.
Truth be told that call should have stopped my heart, But God said nope this one is mine.
Deuteronomy 28:7 says The Lord will grant that your enemies who rise up against you will be defeated before you. They will come at you one direction but will flee from you in seven.
We can have hope in JESUS that whatever problems we are facing will not last forever
We can have hope in JESUS that deliverance is the children’s bread
We can have hope in JESUS that we will experience that peace that surpasses all understanding
My question to you today is WILL YOU OPEN YOUR HEART TO HIM? So that he can heal you from the inside out.
I hope that you were able to draw strength and security from this weeks post and know that there is no obstacle bigger than GOD.
Here are a list of songs that brought me peace while writing. Listen to them when possible and may the peace of God guard your soul.
· Hunger -David and Nicole Binion
· The Hill -Travis Greene
· Say The Word -Hillsong
· Gratitude- Brandon Lake
· For Your Glory & Good- All Sons and Daughters
· Stay Here Never Leave Us -Darrel Walls
I do not own any rights to the music
#JOSHUAMOM
#JUSTICEFORJOSHUABENNETT
#THECARPENTERSMOTHER