Be strong is what the Lord spoke to me with tears running down my face. To wake up every morning without Joshua is empty, I miss him so much.
The Picture this week was taken September 19th 2021 this was our last Sunday together as a family before Church. I would drop him off at College the next day which was September 20th at which he was killed 4 days later.
Isaiah 43:2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze
This morning I had a conversation with my daughter and friend, and I was sharing with them how I had the opportunity to meet other mothers that have been impacted by Gun Violence in the Great City of Toronto. So much murder in my city and still the leaders in power will not step up and take the necessary steps to implement changes that will allow our men to grow old and live to their expected end.
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Father, may you give me the wisdom and guidance needed to represent your kingdom the way that you see fit. Help me understand that discipline and sacrifice may vary but is needed in every season. I will write and write well; because you have given me this pen as a sword and may your word penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints, and marrow; enable me to use it to it well and do all that you ask in the Mighty name of Jesus.
Sunday night my 12-year-old son asked me if prayer works. I told him It does, but it has to be according to Gods will and the plans that he over our lives. But I also explained to him that God is bound by his word and has given man free will to do as he please. In Deuteronomy 30:11-20 the Lord is clear in his word on why we should obey his voice and follow his instructions. But if one chooses to turn away there will consequences some right away and other may tarry but will surely follow.
Galatians 6:7
Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.
From a noticeably young age we are taught right and wrong, so whether we are believers in Jesus or not we know taking a life I wrong. God will not force us or stop us from doing what we wants because he has given us the mind to make right decisions. I write all that to say, when one asked well why doesn’t he stop all the killing? God did not want Joshua or anyone’s child to die by murder but where free will is, there is the choice to do whatever one pleases. Last night I attended the screening of a documentary called in the “In Visible Wounds.”The ability to connect with other mothers that knows my battle was heartfelt, but I wish that it were on better terms. So much was said that I have to make mention of it. The title of the film alone speaks for itself because its The Invisible Wounds that are the hardest to manage, But Gods grace keeps picking me up even when the sadness is unbearable to stand.
Some might see me all put together; but the out of sight wound that Joshua’s killer have inflicted will never be seen by the naked eye. You have brought me to my knees, and I don’t know why. Your recklessness has had a tremendous long-lasting effect on my life and to believe that its about to be a year is overpowering to even think of. Joshua elementary school Blessed Trinity has renamed their athletic award after him. The coach said it was the right thing to do seeing; Joshua was an outstanding athlete but also had a great influence on his peers. He said that he want his story to live on and will always tell people about his contagious smile and energetic spirit that will be remembered for years to come.
Before I began to write today the Lord told me to read Isaiah 63:9 it says In All Their Afflictions He Was Afflicted, And the Angels of His Presence Save Them; In His Love and His Pity He Redeemed Them; And He Bears Them and carried Them All the Days of Old. When I was done reading this the Lord asked me what I took away from this verse. I said that you loves me, and he responded I will gird you up in the hardest season of life and I needed to hear that because this road of harshness is a lonely one.
Hold fast to my word Felisha I will deliver you from all evil; nothing will withstand you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses in the wilderness, I have prepared you as well my daughter. Great is the reward to them that diligently seek me. Great is thy faithfulness words spoken from the Fathers Heart.
As I said early on that the Lord opened a door for me to connect with other moms that know what I am experiencing. While I sat there listening to the panel speak I thought to myself, wow what amazing work is being done by regular everyday people in my community but what was undeniably missing was the presence of the leaders that come on our televisions promising us that they will lead this nation to greatness but never do so when it pertains to the safety of our loved ones. And this undeniable lack of care from the politicians has shown me that anyone can say and do anything and there is not real accountability, but also that they really don’t care about our futures which to me is reckless and absurd. Because they really have not done as much as they could to save the lives of our precious children. Without the right steps being implemented our families will continue to experience great devastation and society will continue to fall by the men who choose to carry weapons thinking that is the way to solve their problems created by a lie.
How does a family grieving solve the problem? To eliminate one’s life not caring that the family they leave behind will be so greatly impacted that it will shatter makes me sad in everyway. But without help from our leaders and my community will continue to suffer. Is it worth it I would like to ask them? And this is a question direct to the men and woman that say they stand up for our rights. Or is that you really see no value in life unless its time to elect you to office?
Do you know what it is to become so perpetuated with your life circumstance that you would rather sleep all day then to deal with the situation at hand? To have to wake up everyday wondering does anyone else really care. That is what it feels like when I turn on my Tv and see that another child murdered and the ones that can do something about it sit back and continue to do nothing. Waking up in the nights wishing that it were just a dream is my reality. But when the grief seeks to set in all I can do is roll over and ask God for mercy, its not fair Lord, I tell him, I need justice Lord is my prayer. I need Justice Lord is what I tell him, but more importantly I need the people that killed my son and robbed him of his right to be caught so that my children and others growing up seeing all this violence will know that any day if they ever make the decision to lift their hand to commit a unthinkable crime that they themselves will face consequences in life not only by God but first our Justice System.
Suffering from trauma affects one mentally, physically but also emotionally. And emotional Trauma from Joshua death has done so much to me and my family that at time I wonder if one can truly bear it, but I press on because the Lord is my strength. I know Joshua would want me to do what I am doing- and not give up. Change must come, one way or another, it must come is what I would tell parliament if I was given the opportunity to invoke change. And not only for him, but for the countless others that will die by violence if our leaders so not do something and do it quickly. Take the steps, do what you vowed to do when you chose to run for office. Come from behind the fancy podiums from which you speak from and do the work that our Country is relying on you to do. Mistakes have been made but that doesn’t mean that you can’t fix them. Make the changes I would say, because if you don’t our boys will continue to topple into to gravesites that only bear their names. They say time heals all wounds, no it doesn’t because time is what was stolen from me and my family with countless other. How I desire to hear Joshua voice again, but I know that no matter how much time has passed that we are separated until my Father calls me home.
You robbed me is what I would tell his killers, and you will never know the pain you have cause
When will they do what you would be done if it were you in this position? #premierdougford #mayorjohntory and #primeministerjustintrudeau; When will you answer the call on of humanity and put things in place to show that one’s life is of a high standard? #premierdougford #mayorjohntory and #primeministerjustintrudeau.
One of the speakers was Audette Shephard, who is the mother of Justin Shepard who was gunned down in 2001. She has become a pillar to speaking up when it comes to violence and I quote her saying “out of so much sorrow can come many results, we can not remain silent. We must speak up and come to the forefront. #SPEAKUP; She continued to say that grief has no boundaries and Murder has no colour. That statement is what I want the law maker to understand and remember that it can be anyone of our children at the end of the day.
Do what’s right now before it is to late; Before you are the one standing over your child or loved one’s coffin. Hearing her speak gave me strength to know it can be done but also reminded me of a verse in the Bible that says, “One can chase a thousand and two can put to flight ten thousand.’ Where there is a will and the manpower there is a way. We as a community need not to speak up when we see something not right and band together to get things done. Call for change, call you local MPs office and voice your concerns. It takes a village to rescue a dog and I am sure many have seen countless times the effort that go in to saving an animal, why not do the same for your beloved child?
Father, your son Jesus said in the book of John 14:14 “if you ask anything in my name, I will do it. In the name of Jesus create the opportunity where the law makers will have no choice but to hear the cries of us mother and fathers. I pray in the name of Jesus that serious action will be done that will send a shock wave so strong that the generations to come will know that unwanted actions will have dire consequences, I seal this prayer in the power of your Holy Spirit.
There is an urgency, our children are dying leaving families left grieving to what seems to be a never-ending cycle and the harsh realization is that for every child that dies by violence someone is living with out their need. I needed Joshua despite what one might think. To some, it may seem like after reading this that one voice is not of circumstantial value, but this is a lie that I will not choose to believe. In the book of Judges chapter 14:16 there we read about the story of Samson, who when he faced the lion had nothing in his hand, but he was able to rip the Lion in half, not in his strength but Gods. But as you continue to read in verse 6 it says that the spirit of the Lord came mightily upon Samson. And after he ripped the lion in half he looked in the belly of the lion and saw bees and honey and took it and went on to eat. The bottom line to draw from this, is that out of something so horrendous came something sweet. Could you imagine what good could be done if we all banned together and called for Action?
We can no longer sit back and accept what has been happening in our country, we must implement the move now;. Call for a ban of Firearms and do it quickly is what I hear as I type, and I know that my father speaks nothing if it is not true. Do what is right, and sure some may not agree but I hear God say that we will be held accountable for choices we have made.
Closing Prayer
Father, as I sit here the song that plays in the background saying Pour Out Your Spirit.
Luke 24:49 States “And behold I am sending forth the promise of my father up on you, but you are to stay in the city until you are clothed with power from on high. My grandmother would always say that there is no distance in prayer, so tonight I come in agreement with every spoken and unspoken prayer back stems from violence. Change, swift Justice Lord do what only you can do. Open the hearts of our nation to make the right move. Speak to the Hearts of our Leaders tonight as they rest well knowing that another person life has been impacted because of their tired silence. Your word says in Matthew 18:20 “for where two or three are gathered together in my name there I am in the midst of them. Matthew 18:19 says again truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for it will be done for them by my father in heaven. Me, and I know others are praying. Hear our cried King Jesus and intercede on our behalf in your precious name. You along can do it and for that I call you Holy. Give us the strategic moves to implement tougher laws regarding the taking of your children’s lives. Help leaders to see that they play a huge role and will be held to a higher standard for what has taken place in society. The Bible says Romans 13: 1 Clearly says that “Every person must obey the leaders of the land. There is no power given but from God, and all leaders are allowed by God. They must remember that they same way God brought them up he can and will remove them in due time. I seal this prayer with the power of the holy spirit.
Song of the Week is by Isabel Davis
(I do not own the write to this song)
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