August 8th, 2024, 4:45 pm
Today was a bit of a day; I wouldn’t say that it was rough, but I was thinking a lot. My life has changed so much since Joshua’s death.
This is the thing about grief. As I have mentioned before, life doesn’t stop or let up for one second. My kids are growing, new milestones are happening daily, and I have to keep moving even though I prefer to sit and sit out without interruption. I was praying this morning in my car, saying to God I feel like I am in a season where I do not know what is next. I don’t see where God is taking me. I mentioned to my friend earlier that I feel like I am in one of those phases where he has me blindfolded, and I don’t know why. When I got home, I heard his still, small voice say he said I want to talk with you and led me to read Romans 8.
Romans 8:5-7
For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. 6 For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. 7 Because the carnal mind is enmity against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, nor indeed can be.
Verse 6 says, “To be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace,” reading that made me feel like trying to figure this season out with my mind, intellect and reasoning, which I know would be foolish. It is like God is just standing there watching me, saying every few hours, “Do you trust me? And to be honest, my trust in him is shaky. Not because I want it to be but because of everything I have been through these last two and a half years. My faith has been tested, but I won’t deny that God has carried me through.
Romans 8:15
For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.”
For me, grief over the passing of my son has been the dumbest thing that I have experienced, as well as the most eye-opening as per the many lessons that I have learnt. My life has changed so quickly, and not by my own doing, which still makes me upset. But God keeps telling me to use it to grow and tell people about me and what I have learned from my teaching.
I am uncertain about what will come next, but what I do know is that I have the ability, through the death and resurrection of his son, King Jesus, to cry out Abba Father (Romans 8:15. I understand that the suffering that I am going through now won’t compare to the glory which shall be revealed to me Roman 8:18. I know that all things work together for the Good of those that love God and who are called according to his purpose Romans 8:28 but also and this is the word that I feel I will need to stand on for the rest of this year “If God be for me who can be against me Romans 8:31.
You see, grief has not only changed me but made me realize even more that I need God. This Christian walk partnered with grief is impossible, and the only way that I have a chance of making it through is on the back of my saviour. Last week, I was told that I need not be afraid of embracing new things, and while it might seem scary, I know that I am in good hands not because of what I feel but because of the one who prepared the way and this is why I feel it so important for me to keep opening up my Bible and read his about his love to keep me from growing weary.
There are two people in particular that spoke life into me this past week I want to thank you for encouraging me when I was weak. I pray that our Father in Heaven continues to use you both and strengthen you from the crown of your head to the sole of your feet. I speak life more abundantly over everything and thank him that he will multiply everything that your hands desire. And to my readers, I know that at times it can seem hard to let go of what you thought life would be, but I am here to encourage you that even when the storm comes, there is one mightier than it and is still in the business of rebuking them so that peace and clarity can be restored into your heart. Read Luke 8:22-25 and rest in God.
Pray, wait and trust him, for the God we serve is faithful.
The song of the week is You Know My Name Song by Tasha Cobbs Leonard