October 9th, 2022
1 Corinthians 4:10-13
We are fools for Christ, but you are so wise in Christ! We are weak, but you are strong! You are honored, we are dishonored! To this very hour we go hungry and thirsty, we are in rags, we are brutally treated, we are homeless. We work hard with our own hands. When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure it; when we are slandered, we answer kindly. We have become the scum of the earth, the garbage of the world—right up to this moment. The Apostle Paul recorded in this chapter how at times although in Christ he and the Lord his disciples faced many trials all while preaching the Gospel. Take note of his tone only one could have imagined what they were enduring all because they choose to listen to the one that gave up his son so that we could be with him and live the everlasting life that the spoke of. But he was able to preserve not in his own strength, but in the strength supplied by the Holy Spirit. Count it all joy (James 1:2) and remember that “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible. (Matthew 19:26) draw your strength from the Holy one.
Hebrews 12:4-5
4 In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5 And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says, “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you. In the NLT version of this text, it says “After all, you have not yet given your lives in your struggle against sin. Losing a child is a heavy burden and one should never have to deal with this. But I want you to know Jesus died for this burden, he knew that this world was fallen and came to set things right so that one day we can be with our loved once again and truly never be separated and for that I am grateful.
Lord, you have shown me through this difficult time why its important to place no one before you. I will forever praise you name. A few weeks after Joshua passed you said go back in my word and see where my children didn’t endure hardship and suffer great lost? but am I not still God? At that time is did not understand the magnitude of the words you spoke or how they would shift my perspective while continuing my journey in life. Psalms 121:1-3 says “I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh comes from. My help cometh from the Lord which made heaven and earth. He will not suffer thy foot to be moved. He that Keepth thee will not slumber.
Week, after week your word has taught that you are the God of your word and that I can trust you. Having trust is important because it means that I do not have to look over my shoulder when it comes to us and that our-relationship is secure and can not be shaken. You hold all piece firm in your right hand. Forever unshakeable, hidden in Christ Jesus is where you can find me. Your love hold me accountable and calls me to live a life pleasing and acceptable in your sight. I now have something written on the tablet of my heart that can be taught to my children and be passed down to their children, children (Deuteronomy 11:19). Where moth. and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal (Matthew 6:19)
Today is October 9th the day I watched what felt like my life slip away. We buried Joshua one year ago today but its also the day that my mother passed 8 years ago, But I will continue to press on in Jesus Name.
1 Corinthians 15:5
“Where, O death, is your sting?”
This morning I met with my pastor. He asked me how I have been handling this pass year? This is a question that is honestly hard to answer because I often wonder if I am even handling it. But my response was “Hard.” What is handling it I often ask myself? Is it getting up and doing my daily routine with the possibility that I might stop and cry? Losing a child is hard but losing a child to murder is confusing, heavy, but most of all gloomy. But God continues to carry me and that in itself is something that I will not even try to figure out. God has truly shocked me, at times when I feel like I have the world on my shoulders he quickly dives in and lifts this what seems like resistance off of me. God has shown me that not only can I call upon him, but that he really does answer. (Jeremiah 33:3)
I have always been an emotional person when it came to the stresses of life. I often cry when overwhelmed because it give me the ability to let go of what I am feeling. All throughout my teens and 20s my grandmother would say “wah do yuh? Every minute yuh just a cry cry? Which means what’s wrong with you every minute you’re crying. Then she would burst out laughing which would then have me laughing with tears in my eyes. How is miss her voice. She was so strong and a great encourager, no matter the situation she always has something to say that in end would remind you that this too shall pass. I know if she were here she would tell me pray and let God fight my battles; Trust him he is working it out. I am happy that I was born into my family. I come from a line of strong resilient woman who unfortunately know what it is to face battle after battle and not give up. But my grandmother was different, she was a woman of God. She knew him as the giver of life but also the great commander and chief when it came to the battle she faced in life. I never saw her worry, but I did see her on her knees and when she could no longer bend down it was to the edge of his bed she went. Its because of her stories that I got a glimpse of who Jesus was. There was times that she would tell me stories of the hardship she went through but how God delivered her each time, sometimes down to the final hour/ minute. Often when leaving her home, I would drive away thinking how that was even possible but as scripture states in Matthew 19:26 says with man it is impossible, but with God all things are possible.
5 years ago, I prayed to God letting him I know that I wanted my own relationship with him based off of my life and just not the testimonies of my grandmother. I needed to know him for myself. I needed to know why they called him Jehovah Jireh (The Lord Will Provide) and Jehovah Rapha (The Lord That Heals), I can say now that I do, and he has shown me why he is called faithful and trustworthy. One might ask why is important to know God especially when hard seasons hit? My answer would be that to know him is important because in life when difficulties hit we have a friend that we can call in who really can come to the rescue.
Hebrews 8:1-6
We do have such a high priest, who sat down at the right hand of the throne of the Majesty in heaven, 2 and who serves in the sanctuary, the true tabernacle set up by the Lord, not by a mere human being. Every high priest is appointed to offer both gifts and sacrifices, and so it was necessary for this one also to have something to offer. 4 If he were on earth, he would not be a priest, for there are already priests who offer the gifts prescribed by the law. 5 They serve at a sanctuary that is a copy and shadow of what is in heaven. This is why Moses was warned when he was about to build the tabernacle: “See to it that you make everything according to the pattern shown you on the mountain.”[a] 6 But in fact the ministry Jesus has received is as superior to theirs as the covenant of which he is mediator is superior to the old one, since the new covenant is established on better promises.
You see based on the verse and the whole bible we see that Jesus is the better way. The better option for handling stress and worry. The better go-to when the wiles of the wicked one fall upon you, the better option when it seem like there is no where to turn. He comforts, restores, he upholds his word all while making sure he teaches you how to use the tools he has provided to encourage someone else along the way. Depended on him is what I would tell anyone facing a trial because the Lord is faithful and a reliable source. Psalms 34:19 speaks the righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all. A few days ago, while laying down the Lord said to me Losing a child is healable if you would let me. You see everything God does is of order and when he does somethings there are no loose ends undone. Completion is what he is known for. Philippians 1:6 “For I am confident of this very thing, that he who began a good work among you will complete it by the day of Christ Jesus. Nothing undone is what he spoke to me as I was writing. God is the God that see, hears and answers and he sent his son Jesus to demonstrate that in the flesh. Healing was a huge part Jesus’s ministry. Jesus said in John 5:30 “I can do nothing on my own initiative. Just as I hear, I judge, and my judgment is just, because I do not seek my own will, but the will of the one who sent me.” Matthew 14:13-16 says 13 Now when Jesus heard this he went away from there privately in a boat to an isolated place. But when the crowd heard about it, they followed him on foot from the towns. 14As he got out he saw the large crowd, and he had compassion on them and healed their sick. 15When evening arrived, his disciples came to him saying, “This is an isolated place and the hour is already late. Send the crowds away so that they can go into the villages and buy food for themselves.” 16But he replied, “They don’t need to go. You give them something to eat.”
God is the God of compassion. He heard the cries of his children and moved speedily to retore them. Loving and compassionate is who is he, so next time you get into a hard place or your mind is telling you that he doesn’t care open the Bible and draw truth from is voice. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 the scripture which is breathed out by the mouth of God so you can stand firm and know that it is truth. But also, if you look back at the end Matthew 14:13-16 it says, “that he also told them that they need not to leave but he would provide food.” Is not God awesome, God always leaves you will something feasible that you will be able to pass on to someone in a similar situation.
This journey of grieving has left me on this rollercoaster of emotions leading me to pray simple prayers like “Lord I am tired of Crying. I just feel robbed, I did not get a chance to say good-bye and hold his hand to let him know that just like times before I loved him without measure. If there is one thing that I would encourage my viewers to take more seriously is letting the people you love and enjoy know the way you feel about them life is short and we all will be summoned by our Lord one day.
~Grief is Love, with nowhere to go~
The hardest thing is that for me is that I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye. Joshua knew he was loved but had to died alone and that hurts me. I miss everything about him, his smell, his smile, and the Friday nights family nights that included him dancing. Without God I do not know how I would have handled this situation, serving him has taught me so much. In him I find peace in the mist of the storm and in times of frustration I know that I can turn to him, and he will relieve the sting of this burden. God has taught me that its okay to not be okay while at the same time knowing that there is no shame in letting my tears flow. People have learned that crying is a sign of weakness, but God has taught me that it is a great strength. To be vulnerable is a strength and once learnt one can have the freedom that God so earnestly desires us to have and open the flood gates of his healing.
I often get asked what I do when I feel sad, overwhelmed, or frustrated? I would have to say that it all depends on what it is that I am feeling at the time. When Joshua first died my main go-to was sleep now while resting is important we must remember can sometimes lead us to not deal with what has just taken place. So now I rely on Worship. What is worship? For me I would say that its my lifestyle, posture but most important my verbal expression unto God. Depending on where I am the time it can differentiate. If I am at home or somewhere that I can speak then I will often put on worship music and being to sing along with the song which usually leads me to praying. Now why I include prayer is because it is the hotline to Heaven for me. I can speak to the father, and he will speak back to me. Worship music helps me feel close to God and in his presence there is freedom (2 Corinthians 3:17)
Isaiah 61:3
To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.”
I put on a garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. I give him praise for all that he has done for me and in most cases while praying the heaviness that I was once feeling lifts off. There is healing in his presence, there is virtue in him that cannot be found from any other source. I pray that whatever it is that you are dealing with that God will show you just like he has done for me that the pressure of life can not weigh you down when in Christ Jesus. One thing that has also helped me is going for walks, I have found that being out in the open clears my mind but also helps regulates my emotions while being thankful for all that I have. I start off each morning in prayer speaking scripture over my life one example might be Philippians 4:4-6 and its say Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to Go. But I personalize it and say I will rejoice and be anxious for nothing. I also pray that God will give me the strategy and strength to deal with the day ahead. I never would have thought that one of my children being murdered would be a part of my story but I will continue to trust God on all matters in steadfast prayer no matter how hard it gets and remember that in my pain there is purpose.
Closing Prayer
Father Romans 12:12 says Rejoice in Hope, Patient in Tribulation, continue instant in prayer. I pray in the name of Jesus that all these things will be unto you children. As season comes and go, I know that some have the ability to trigger certain emotions especially when having to do Thanksgiving, and Christmas without a loved one, but I pray that you will uphold them with your Righteous right hand. Cover them under the Shadow of the Most High. Give them a strength that will cause them to run though troops and leap over walls and any obstacle that the wicked one might use to get them to turn back. Pour out your spirit so that young man can dream, dreams and see vison. Jesus said is Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
~Rest in Him, for he is the better option~
I was able to gather from functional capabilities this week on how my website really works. I just want to say thank you for reading and sharing my post. To God be the glory, each week and to be honest at time I felt burdensome but he keeps replenishing me, at times I feel to quit but he fuels me again and again. Please keep me in your prayers and know that I always pray for you all. Especially the families that are dealing with a loss like mine, may God give you supernatural strength I love you and pray that the Lord will open a door that one day we can finally meet but until then I have to tell about ready options on the site. You will now have the option of going back and using the search engineer to look up some of your past favorite post and this one I am most excited about we now have a comment section please feel free to leave feedback as well as any prayer requests. And as always please feel free to like, share and hit the subscribe button.
Until next time lean not on your own understanding -Proverbs 3:5
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