haven’t written anything in months and here wondering what I should write now, but I am just going to let my fingers and heart speak, as that is how God has taught me to express myself. Last night I was in the Book of Judges in my Bible; I read from Judges 7:1–7. I have been trying to read and study, drawing close to God because He is the only one that can heal the deep unseen wounds that are hidden, and I would hide by never crying again if I knew how to. Grief is draining beyond words, and it doesn’t matter how much time has passed if I allow it to move in the way that it wants to move, it has the ability to turn a perfectly normal day into a day from some scene in a movie most people run from, and that is why I pray and will never turn from my faith in Jesus Christ.
Where am I at in this faith walk? Walking. Some days look different than others, but I am hanging on for me, my other children, and because I know that is what Joshua would tell me to do. Life has gotten quiet for me in the sense that it’s just really me and the kids. Life has completely changed, and I am okay with it. I believe that having support when in a difficult season is necessary, but I have learned that the right type is better than a thousand, as some are not capable of holding space for you. And does this mean that they are bad people? Absolutely not. I believe that it is God-ordained, and this is what I saw yesterday when reading Judges 7:1–7. Gideon set out for the battle with more men than needed.
God tells Gideon, “You have too many men for me to deliver Midian into their hands.” If the army is too large, Israel might boast that their own strength saved them. So, God instructs Gideon to send home anyone who is fearful 22,000 men leave, and 10,000 remain. Then God reduces the number again through a water-drinking test, leaving only 300 men. With this small force, God will deliver Israel, ensuring the glory goes to Him alone.
I need to have faith that although this season while and trust even though fewer people are around, God’s strength will do more than 22,000 worth of manpower that I need, in Jesus’ name.
Prayer
Lord, You see and know all things and how the death of Joshua has changed my life. I see and heard the phone call on how things will change more, but I am asking in Your name, King Jesus, that the enemy’s plans will not prevail against me and my children, in Jesus’ mighty name.
To my readers have faith, hold tight, and remember what it says in 2 Chronicles 20:15 (NIV): “This is what the LORD says to you: Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s.”
The Carpenters Mother