Wait on the Lord, wait on the Lord and He shall renew your strength
Are the words sung by Elevation worship and Maverick city music. While I sit here and cry. To many I look happy, but I have a sadness on the inside. I am trying is what I just told a friend. Trust me when I say that I hate feeling like this.
Sometimes when I cry, I think about how the other families are coping. Honestly Losing a child to me is the worst thing that can ever happen to anyone besides not being with Jesus after death. I look at my other children and know that I must get through this for them because they are watching me, and I know one day they will look back and discuss how I managed the death of Joshua.
My Selah just came and hugged me and said I know that you miss Joshua Mom.
Help me, help me Lord is my prayer as I sit here
I am 37 years old and will never understand why this has to be my testimony. But God is my strength and I know that he is keeping me. I sometimes ask myself why? But through it all I must say God has been good to me and for that I am grateful.
Lord, you see me and know where I am at and the emotions that I am flooded with at times. Help me lord, help me.
I look at Joshua Pictures and all I have is memories. How can one be so selfish to take a life? Please Lord help the police to find them I need justice and my children need to see that people cannot just do what they want and not face the consequences of their actions. To live without him is hard but I must press on.
I find myself looking out the window sometimes at the wind blowing the leaves on the tree.
Life is like a vapor
I just keep praying Lord help me those are the only words that I can get out at times. Simple and short but I know he hears my prayer.
I wish I could fast forward this part, I just want to be happy again. Love on your children a little more, be patient a little more, show more grace and understanding because nothing is promised. Tell them that you are proud of them even when just going through your regular day to day routines. I dropped Joshua off on a Monday and he was taken the Thursday night, I never thought this would be my story.
Psalm 34:19 says Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him from them all.
Yesterday while feeling down, I reached out for prayer and one of my sisters in Christ said to me Grief comes on suddenly and I believe it because I was fine till about 3pm today. I felt so down and knew that I needed a good cry but did not want the kids to see me like that. So, I made dinner and went upstairs and sat in the shower for about 20 mins crying and praying asking God to lift this feeling.
Thursday, June 9, 2022
I’m currently sitting in my car wondering will things really get better. It is a feeling and thought that I have more often. I just need this blanket of sadness to lift. I even find myself asking why he even gave me Joshua if he knew that this would be the outcome. What’s crazy to me is that even though I am feeling this way I know that the Joy of the Lord is my strength and its only because of him that I have not fainted yet.
Trials and Tribulations may come and go but the Word of the Lord will stand for ever
To see my children growing and making new memories without him hurts. And I know that it hurts them, but they just do not say anything. They were always tight knit although there was a gap between their ages. Joshua looked at his siblings more like his children. I remember it was maybe a few weeks before he passed and I was not feeling well, Joshua got his siblings up and was about to take them to school but I woke up and said I would take them. His response to me was mom they are like my kids its okay get rest. That was the type of Kid Joshua was and I know that yesterday would have been a proud moment for him to watch his younger siblings start soccer.
We hurt but have no choice but to press on
Lord I am sadden hear my cries Lord please
I know that Joshua would tell me mom stop crying and know that I do try but sometimes overtakes me.
Lord, please help me in this process I just want to be happy again.
Matthew 5.4 says Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
For some reason just reading that gives me strength. Comfort me Lord, and the siblings of those who have passed on, cause only you can lift this heavy burden.
PERSONAL PRAYER
My prayer this week is for the siblings. I ask God to supernaturally comfort you and touch your mind in only a way that he can. Having a sibling is a blessing in my eyes, you have a friend without asking for one. One that you can be yourself with because they see you in your rawest state. I can’t imagine what it feels like to lose a sibling. I pray that tonight God will visit you and answer your unspoken questions. Know that it is okay to feel what you are feeling and encourage you to go listen to this song called “Its Ok by Chandler Moore.
I will always be praying for you until the Lord calls me home and want you to know that we are on this journey together. I see my children’s pain, so I know that it is not easy. Lord, please render justice for them. One thing that I want to speak to the siblings about is not taking matters into your own hands leave It to God to do what he said he will do. I know it is easier said than done but let my life and all that I have shared with you be a living testimony that God answers prayers. So, when angry pray, sad pray, happy pray because he is worthy in every moment.
FORGIVE and remember that forgiveness is not for them but for you because to hate someone is not something that God wants us to do.
Give JESUS that burden
I have never met you but know that I love you and hope that one day the Lord will open a door even if it is just to meet one viewer. But until then Trust and Lean on GOD who can supply all your needs.
SONGS OF THE WEEK
He understands -Chandler Moore
Its Ok by Chandler Moore
Maverick City music – I am loved
Prince of Prince-Hillsong united
Here’s my Heart Lord- Casting Crown
I do not own any rights to the music
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