Personal thought
Its very easy to shout praises to God when ones has been in a place of ease their entire life #Jonahmoment. Now I know that no one’s life will never be perfect but what I do know is that there are people that have never and will never face certain hardships, but I will not even ask God why because the truth of the matter is that it is none of my business.
Romans 9:18 Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden.
I am sitting here on a sofa listening to Brandon Lake song called “Fear is not my future” and while it plays, I am looking at Joshua’s picture that sit beside my TV. I often look right into his eyes as if there is a message in them and as I was doing so, I heard the Lord say to me this week tell them how his death has brought us closer. My relationship with my Heavenly father has grown.
Psalm 30:3 says O LORD, you brought me up from the grave; you spared me from going down into the pit.
I shared in a previous post that before Joshua died, I felt like my life was moving like water with the LORD. I was excited, healing and maturing and it was all because of him. But then this wave of grief came and carried me away into what felt like a bottomless pit where at times I was unable to move. #DESPAIR.At times the only thing that I could do is look to the left and to the right to see if anyone really noticed the pain that I was hiding inside because I did not want anyone to really know that this blow had knocked me off my feet.
The pain that seeks to dwell in me gently whispers often that it came to swallow me up, but God the Lord of the heaven has said it is defeated.
True strength only comes from the Lord just a friendly reminder
I was confused because I could not understand how or why this had happened. I was angry and felt all alone and sometimes still do. But I pray when those feelings come because I know that my father wants to see me healed.
In my post called “If the Heart could speak” I touched on why it is crucial to have the right support around you. Because beside the voice of God and hear me when I say this, they are needed to survive this oceanic wave called grief but more importantly this journey called life. To the people that were there before his passing and continue to reach out to us I want you to know that me and the kids appreciate you more then words can say. It has been a rough couple of months and know that it will never slip of lives, but the support given whether it be a text saying just checking in or asking if there have been any updates shows us that this is just not our burden to carry, and that people genuinely care which is rare today. May God support and uplift you the same way your kind words have done to us.
To my sister Mona my love runs endless for you and your blessed family. You are a consistent voice of reason in this heavy season. A spring running of fresh water. May God pour into your cup until it runneth over. From the dinners that you have provided for me and the kids to the phone calls just to ask how we are doing. Giving me the ability and room to express my sorrow within me I cannot thank you enough. When tears flow from within me your words edify me and bring strength. You remind me when I share my fears about this situation that God is not going to let that happen and for that I am grateful.
Sus from rumors to the alter you are my sister from another mother. You understand me in a way that I do not even understand myself at times. I love you and I can honestly say I know you love me without borders and that is real friendship. If we ever end up in a nursing home I am asking them to put me down the hall from you. Far enough to stretch my legs and get my daily exercise but close enough to get one of Ne’s dumplings.
Moheen my native General. You have shown me Christ may God give you a deep revelation of how that has impacted my life and the others that you have done the same to. You have taught me that representing Gods kingdom does not have to be done the way that society says it has to be done. I came with ripped jean, Jordan 1s and tatted up and you never once made me feel like I need to change to be excepted, and to me that is the LOVE of GOD. Many said that they would be there in my darkest days and when I looked, they were gone. When I was so angry and hurt that I could have destroyed a room like a hurricane you called me back to focus with his still small voice and reminded I was not forsaken. Thank- you and my God enrich you dearly.
People sometimes feel like they need a village to get though hard times. But I believe that God has appointed and will delicately select the few to stand with you when the hard trials come.
God told Gideon in the book of Judges verse 7:7 that “with the three hundred men that lapped I will save you and give you Midianites into your hands. Let all the others go home.” #Letthemgoinpeace
It is not about how many came I believe its about the ones that stayed. Now hear me that does not mean that the ones that left are bad people. I just believe and this is my personal opinion as I said before that in different seasons and battles God will appoints what should remain and those who will uphold you in your areas of weakness when travailing this raging storm. Just as Aaron and Hur did for Moses when he was facing that fierce battle. See Exodus 17:8-14 for that record in history.
Closer me and him have gotten because he is the only one that could carry this burden. There were and still are days when I cry like an enfant but before one tear can fall from my face his still small voice calls to me and says come let us talk, tell me what your feeling?
Psalm 46:1 God is our strong refuge; he is truly our helper in times of trouble.
God has really shown me his attentive side. I speak you no lies when I say sometimes I can be fine but then something will trigger me without warning about his passing and before that wave of emotion can overtake me, I hear God say “Come.” There is this ease with him, a comfortability that I have never experienced before in his presence. I can say I trust him and his certainty because he has lifted me up when I wanted to go down.
They say when it rains it pours and there has been so many things that have been coming at me left, right and center but his shield of faith has faithfully been blocking them and for that I am grateful. Where I should have Lost, I gained, drowned I floated. #Hemercyhassustainedme
I did not grow up with a father figure, nor did I have any positive loving male figures in my life now that look back at it, and I can say that it played a huge role in me not trusting God as a father when he revealed himself to me. I did not understand nor know what unconditional love looked like from a male. I was raised by my mom to be strong but what God has taught me is that it okay to lower my stance. #Getoffyourhorse
He has taught me that I do not need to be afraid to come and be weak before him. I now know that its okay to feel vulnerable and that my VULNERABILITY IS ACTUALLY A WEAPON. He holds all power, and my conclusion is in his hand. #MERCY
I want to speak to my female viewer I write what I hear the Lord speak to me. Fallback is what I heard God say. Come exposed and broken before me so I can heal your inner man.
And to my male readers Cover her as a man should Support, Guide, and protect that woman because I am in her and she is in me.
#Kingdomprinciples
#Goforth and be glad
It is a beautiful day to rejoice. Know that I am healing your inner man. As a river flows through the earth allow me to do the same with my spirit. Come to me all who are heavy laden, and I will give you rest says the Lord.
Personal Prayer and Reflection for This Week
Lord, I pray in the Power of the Holy Spirit they would except your invitation to live in freedom from past hurt and pain. Depend on me and I will sustain you I hear the Lord say and do not lose hope because my kingdom is unending, and no fear can live here. You will be a tree planted by the river of life, come and drink and thirst no more says your Daddy.
King Jesus
Well until next time I hope that you were able to take away something this week and once again I would love to hear from you, please feel free to email at jjeb@iftheheartcouldspeak.com and I will respond at my at my earliest convenience. May God keep you and shine his face upon you.
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Songs of the Week
1. You are my Strength -Miranda Curtis
2. Evidence-Maverick City music
3. Sufficient for Today (Feat) Maryanne J George and Maverick city music
4. God will work it out- Maverick City music
5. Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey when you believe
I do not own any rights to the music
#JOSHUASMOM
#JUSTICEFORJOSHUABENNETT
#THECARPENTERSMOTHER